Nice Guys vs. Bad Boys?
I never know what to post so I'm going to take a leaf out of a friend's book and post one of the many forwards I receive. There's no fear that that source will dry up! Pity.
---------------------------------------------------------
Why don't women pick the right guys? Or even more to the point - why do women pick all the wrong guys? If you've had your heart broken, been cheated on, or find yourself giving everything you've got inside,to get little or nothing in return, then you know what I'm talking about.
Now, think about each of these questions for a minuteor two each:
1. What is it about "bad boys" or men that aren't "available" that is attractive to w0men? And to you?
2. Have you ever dated a guy even though you knew he was a "bad boy" - or found out soon into things?
3. Is there a "nice guy" in your life who would make agreat companion but you're not attracted to or share a"connection" with?
Picking the wrong men can get you in all kinds of painful trouble it's hard to get free of. But for some reason, women don't want the guys who are probably better relationship and love companions. I'm not going to give you ALL the answers right now,but I'm going to lead you to finding the answers for yourself - as it's a much more effective way of learning. So.... I'm gonna address the last question first about "nice guys".
A friend of mine sent me an article that was on AOL entitled "What's Wrong With Nice Guys?". Here's a little quote from the article:"...Do Women Date Naughty Guys but Marry Nice Ones? This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritating good-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue to make. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense. Since women truly are conditioned to be "good girls," sometimes we feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pure burning "I must have him!" feeling. That's why we sometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the object of these desires, says Cleveland psychotherapist Belleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeys series of guided imagery tapes. "In order for the deliciousness of pure lust to be 'okay,' it has to be for the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do with the rest of your life. With him, you can crank up your animal impulses, worry-free," she says...." Interesting, huh?
My friend who sent it to me disagrees with the idea that women seek out "bad boys" because they need somewhere to project their guilty lust, and I agree. I disagree that there's something "wrong" with the fact that women are attracted to "bad boys"...
My friend also made the point that the "mainstream" psychology and behavior world is starting to accept the idea that women are attracted to "bad boys". There's something to the idea that woman don't feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for "nice guys" who chase after them, dote on them and kiss up to them. A woman might LIKE the experience of the "nice guy" doing nice things, but it doesn't CREATE attraction or a connection with the woman. Ever.
Trust me, I know men who are the "nice guy" all the time and they get so frustrated trying so hard to please a woman and get her interested. But it's like trying to chew bubble gum to solve calculus problems.... It's hopeless. And wouldn't you know it - it works the same way for "nice women".
Being a "nice girl" can't "convince" a guy to like you just because you do sweet things.... It just doesn't work like that. I've had women be the "nice girl" with me in the past. There's two women I can remember from acting overly nice and sweet to try and attract me. Any attraction that was there started falling away.
THE TRUTH of the matter is - kissing up, convincing and being too "sweet" can kill attraction. Why? Our subconscious reacts in ways you often can't control and aren't very aware of. Being too "nice" sends a signal to the "deep" part of the mind that tells you "this person isn't desirable and is lower status".
I know, this might sound kind of dark, power-hungry or weird to you, but it's what happens with us humans. People don't value what they can have too easily, whether they admit it or not.
Ultimately, when women are around "nice guys", they end up unconsciously thinking, "This man isn't desirable, I shouldn't date or pursue this guy". (Ok, there can be another reason, but I won't disuss it here but it has to do with people who develop the "nice" persona due to what they feel they personally lack, and thus "nice" people are self-selecting and are actually and less confidentand less attractive.)
In the nice guys defense - they might actually have something better to offer a woman in terms of what she SAYS she wants (love, trust, companionship, passion), but the women aren't able to see it - or see it as something they want. Why? Women don't develop a connection to the nice guy and the "connection" is the MAGIC ingredient for attraction with most women.
Which leads us to the "bad boy"! You might not agree with me, but women DO feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for "bad boys". Of course, I don't believe that men have to be jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel attracted to them. But women have a deep attraction mechanism that's triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior, cocky, the list goes of "bad" behavior. You've seen it.
"Bad boys" often create inviting and intoxicating forms of drama - often perceived as playfulness, sexuality and fun. When I first talk to women about the bad boy subject, they jump ALL OVER me and completely disagree. Then I ask them about some of the relationships they've had in the past. And guess what? Most women realize in the course of the conversation that they've dated men they knew fit the "bad boy" profile. What makes me laugh is that the realization makes them argue with me even more!
So why do women date and continue on with "bad boys"? The answer to this question when I ask it to women is almost UNIVERSAL. "We had a great connection". Some women call it "chemistry". The magic of a connection with a man can be extremely powerful. Often powerful enough to undo all sorts of reasoning abilities and ways of perceiving things. Women picking and staying with the wrong men isthe single biggest mistake I see women make. It's themost common reason why the thousands of women I hearfrom can't find the love and fulfillment they'relooking for.
But there's help....
---------------------------------------------------------
At this point I was directed to his web site to order the 'solution to all my problems'. Thank God I don't believe in using my credit cards on the internet. I'd be broke!
---------------------------------------------------------
Why don't women pick the right guys? Or even more to the point - why do women pick all the wrong guys? If you've had your heart broken, been cheated on, or find yourself giving everything you've got inside,to get little or nothing in return, then you know what I'm talking about.
Now, think about each of these questions for a minuteor two each:
1. What is it about "bad boys" or men that aren't "available" that is attractive to w0men? And to you?
2. Have you ever dated a guy even though you knew he was a "bad boy" - or found out soon into things?
3. Is there a "nice guy" in your life who would make agreat companion but you're not attracted to or share a"connection" with?
Picking the wrong men can get you in all kinds of painful trouble it's hard to get free of. But for some reason, women don't want the guys who are probably better relationship and love companions. I'm not going to give you ALL the answers right now,but I'm going to lead you to finding the answers for yourself - as it's a much more effective way of learning. So.... I'm gonna address the last question first about "nice guys".
A friend of mine sent me an article that was on AOL entitled "What's Wrong With Nice Guys?". Here's a little quote from the article:"...Do Women Date Naughty Guys but Marry Nice Ones? This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritating good-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue to make. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense. Since women truly are conditioned to be "good girls," sometimes we feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pure burning "I must have him!" feeling. That's why we sometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the object of these desires, says Cleveland psychotherapist Belleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeys series of guided imagery tapes. "In order for the deliciousness of pure lust to be 'okay,' it has to be for the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do with the rest of your life. With him, you can crank up your animal impulses, worry-free," she says...." Interesting, huh?
My friend who sent it to me disagrees with the idea that women seek out "bad boys" because they need somewhere to project their guilty lust, and I agree. I disagree that there's something "wrong" with the fact that women are attracted to "bad boys"...
My friend also made the point that the "mainstream" psychology and behavior world is starting to accept the idea that women are attracted to "bad boys". There's something to the idea that woman don't feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for "nice guys" who chase after them, dote on them and kiss up to them. A woman might LIKE the experience of the "nice guy" doing nice things, but it doesn't CREATE attraction or a connection with the woman. Ever.
Trust me, I know men who are the "nice guy" all the time and they get so frustrated trying so hard to please a woman and get her interested. But it's like trying to chew bubble gum to solve calculus problems.... It's hopeless. And wouldn't you know it - it works the same way for "nice women".
Being a "nice girl" can't "convince" a guy to like you just because you do sweet things.... It just doesn't work like that. I've had women be the "nice girl" with me in the past. There's two women I can remember from acting overly nice and sweet to try and attract me. Any attraction that was there started falling away.
THE TRUTH of the matter is - kissing up, convincing and being too "sweet" can kill attraction. Why? Our subconscious reacts in ways you often can't control and aren't very aware of. Being too "nice" sends a signal to the "deep" part of the mind that tells you "this person isn't desirable and is lower status".
I know, this might sound kind of dark, power-hungry or weird to you, but it's what happens with us humans. People don't value what they can have too easily, whether they admit it or not.
Ultimately, when women are around "nice guys", they end up unconsciously thinking, "This man isn't desirable, I shouldn't date or pursue this guy". (Ok, there can be another reason, but I won't disuss it here but it has to do with people who develop the "nice" persona due to what they feel they personally lack, and thus "nice" people are self-selecting and are actually and less confidentand less attractive.)
In the nice guys defense - they might actually have something better to offer a woman in terms of what she SAYS she wants (love, trust, companionship, passion), but the women aren't able to see it - or see it as something they want. Why? Women don't develop a connection to the nice guy and the "connection" is the MAGIC ingredient for attraction with most women.
Which leads us to the "bad boy"! You might not agree with me, but women DO feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for "bad boys". Of course, I don't believe that men have to be jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel attracted to them. But women have a deep attraction mechanism that's triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior, cocky, the list goes of "bad" behavior. You've seen it.
"Bad boys" often create inviting and intoxicating forms of drama - often perceived as playfulness, sexuality and fun. When I first talk to women about the bad boy subject, they jump ALL OVER me and completely disagree. Then I ask them about some of the relationships they've had in the past. And guess what? Most women realize in the course of the conversation that they've dated men they knew fit the "bad boy" profile. What makes me laugh is that the realization makes them argue with me even more!
So why do women date and continue on with "bad boys"? The answer to this question when I ask it to women is almost UNIVERSAL. "We had a great connection". Some women call it "chemistry". The magic of a connection with a man can be extremely powerful. Often powerful enough to undo all sorts of reasoning abilities and ways of perceiving things. Women picking and staying with the wrong men isthe single biggest mistake I see women make. It's themost common reason why the thousands of women I hearfrom can't find the love and fulfillment they'relooking for.
But there's help....
---------------------------------------------------------
At this point I was directed to his web site to order the 'solution to all my problems'. Thank God I don't believe in using my credit cards on the internet. I'd be broke!
posted by sudden_sue at 11:31 PM
7 comments
