Friday, November 03, 2006

Nice Guys vs. Bad Boys?

I never know what to post so I'm going to take a leaf out of a friend's book and post one of the many forwards I receive. There's no fear that that source will dry up! Pity.


Why don't women pick the right guys? Or even more to the point - why do women pick all the wrong guys? If you've had your heart broken, been cheated on, or find yourself giving everything you've got inside,to get little or nothing in return, then you know what I'm talking about.

Now, think about each of these questions for a minuteor two each:
1. What is it about "bad boys" or men that aren't "available" that is attractive to w0men? And to you?
2. Have you ever dated a guy even though you knew he was a "bad boy" - or found out soon into things?
3. Is there a "nice guy" in your life who would make agreat companion but you're not attracted to or share a"connection" with?

Picking the wrong men can get you in all kinds of painful trouble it's hard to get free of. But for some reason, women don't want the guys who are probably better relationship and love companions. I'm not going to give you ALL the answers right now,but I'm going to lead you to finding the answers for yourself - as it's a much more effective way of learning. So.... I'm gonna address the last question first about "nice guys".

A friend of mine sent me an article that was on AOL entitled "What's Wrong With Nice Guys?". Here's a little quote from the article:"...Do Women Date Naughty Guys but Marry Nice Ones? This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritating good-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue to make. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense. Since women truly are conditioned to be "good girls," sometimes we feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pure burning "I must have him!" feeling. That's why we sometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the object of these desires, says Cleveland psychotherapist Belleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeys series of guided imagery tapes. "In order for the deliciousness of pure lust to be 'okay,' it has to be for the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do with the rest of your life. With him, you can crank up your animal impulses, worry-free," she says...." Interesting, huh?

My friend who sent it to me disagrees with the idea that women seek out "bad boys" because they need somewhere to project their guilty lust, and I agree. I disagree that there's something "wrong" with the fact that women are attracted to "bad boys"...

My friend also made the point that the "mainstream" psychology and behavior world is starting to accept the idea that women are attracted to "bad boys". There's something to the idea that woman don't feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for "nice guys" who chase after them, dote on them and kiss up to them. A woman might LIKE the experience of the "nice guy" doing nice things, but it doesn't CREATE attraction or a connection with the woman. Ever.

Trust me, I know men who are the "nice guy" all the time and they get so frustrated trying so hard to please a woman and get her interested. But it's like trying to chew bubble gum to solve calculus problems.... It's hopeless. And wouldn't you know it - it works the same way for "nice women".

Being a "nice girl" can't "convince" a guy to like you just because you do sweet things.... It just doesn't work like that. I've had women be the "nice girl" with me in the past. There's two women I can remember from acting overly nice and sweet to try and attract me. Any attraction that was there started falling away.

THE TRUTH of the matter is - kissing up, convincing and being too "sweet" can kill attraction. Why? Our subconscious reacts in ways you often can't control and aren't very aware of. Being too "nice" sends a signal to the "deep" part of the mind that tells you "this person isn't desirable and is lower status".

I know, this might sound kind of dark, power-hungry or weird to you, but it's what happens with us humans. People don't value what they can have too easily, whether they admit it or not.

Ultimately, when women are around "nice guys", they end up unconsciously thinking, "This man isn't desirable, I shouldn't date or pursue this guy". (Ok, there can be another reason, but I won't disuss it here but it has to do with people who develop the "nice" persona due to what they feel they personally lack, and thus "nice" people are self-selecting and are actually and less confidentand less attractive.)

In the nice guys defense - they might actually have something better to offer a woman in terms of what she SAYS she wants (love, trust, companionship, passion), but the women aren't able to see it - or see it as something they want. Why? Women don't develop a connection to the nice guy and the "connection" is the MAGIC ingredient for attraction with most women.

Which leads us to the "bad boy"! You might not agree with me, but women DO feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for "bad boys". Of course, I don't believe that men have to be jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel attracted to them. But women have a deep attraction mechanism that's triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior, cocky, the list goes of "bad" behavior. You've seen it.

"Bad boys" often create inviting and intoxicating forms of drama - often perceived as playfulness, sexuality and fun. When I first talk to women about the bad boy subject, they jump ALL OVER me and completely disagree. Then I ask them about some of the relationships they've had in the past. And guess what? Most women realize in the course of the conversation that they've dated men they knew fit the "bad boy" profile. What makes me laugh is that the realization makes them argue with me even more!

So why do women date and continue on with "bad boys"? The answer to this question when I ask it to women is almost UNIVERSAL. "We had a great connection". Some women call it "chemistry". The magic of a connection with a man can be extremely powerful. Often powerful enough to undo all sorts of reasoning abilities and ways of perceiving things. Women picking and staying with the wrong men isthe single biggest mistake I see women make. It's themost common reason why the thousands of women I hearfrom can't find the love and fulfillment they'relooking for.

But there's help....


At this point I was directed to his web site to order the 'solution to all my problems'. Thank God I don't believe in using my credit cards on the internet. I'd be broke!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006


Just had a long discussion with a friend on Consanguinous marriages, i.e. marriages between relatives. I've always known thats dangerous and stupid but I never really bothered to find out much about it. But talking to my friend I found that someone she knows pretty well, a young 'smart' girl of our age agreed to marry a relative. Why? I have no idea. Did she know it's a problem when it comes to having kinds? Yes, I think so. If she managed to not know about the dangers she probably deserves the problems she'll face.
Ok, so maybe thats mean but it's so exasperating. It's like people smoking. There is absolutely nothing good about smoking. It's addictive, dangerous n very disgusting. N yet the tribe of smokers increases. Yuck!
But to get back to consaguinity. The dangers increase the closer the relationship is. I found it a bit hard to calculate exactly who is related to whom and I found the following article very helpful.


Helps to identify the relationship of those sharing common ancestors.
O ------ P ---- GP -- GGP - 3GP --- 4GP --- 5GP
P ------ S ----- N --- GN -- 2GN --- 3GN -- 4GN
GP ---- N ---- 1C -- 1C1R - 1C2R -- 1C3R -- 1C4R
GGP - GN -- 1C1R - 2C ---- 2C1R - 2C2R -- 2C3R
3GP - 2GN - 1C2R - 2C1R - 3C ---- 3C1R -- 3C2R
4GP - 3GN - 1C3R - 2C2R - 3C1R -- 4C ---- 4C1R
5GP - 4GN - 1C4R - 2C3R - 3C2R - 4C1R -- 5C
C = Cousin
P = Parents
G = Great/Grand
N = Nephew/Niece
O = Original Ancestors
R = Removed
S = Sibling (brother or sister)
Examples:1C = First Cousin
GGP = Great Grand Parents
2C1R = Second Cousin, Once Removed
GN = Grand Nephew/Niece
3GP = Great Great Grand Parents
5GP = Great Great Great Great Grand Parents
Locate one person along the top row, according to his relationship to the Original Ancestors (O). Locate the other person along the left hand column, according to his relationship to the same Original Ancestors and where the two lines cross indicates the relationship of the two people to each other. If needed, the pattern can easily be extended.
If you and I have the same Parents (P), then we are Siblings (S).
If my Grandparents (GP) are also your Grandparents (GP), then you and I are first cousins (1C).
My Great Grand Mother's brother is my Great Grand Uncle, so I'm his GGN, because our Original Ancestors are their Parents (P), and are also my Great Great Grand Parents (GGGP).
In reverse, if someone is your third cousin (3C), it means that you both share the same great-great-grandparents (3GP).
Be sure to use the nearest Original Ancestors that you share or you can come up with such ridiculous things as:Since my Grandparents are my son's Great-Grandparents, therefore my Son is my first cousin, once removed (1C1R). Whoa...!
Kith and Kin -
HALF -"Half" means you share only one parent. Example: half-brothers may have the same father but different mothers, etc.
STEP - Not blood kin, but a close legal relationship due to re-marriage of a parent, such as step-mother, step-brother, step-son, etc.
DOUBLE FIRST COUSINS - Are first cousins twice, once on their Father's side and once on their Mother's side, since their Father's sibling married their Mother's sibling.
IN-LAW - They are not really blood kin but are treated as such because they married blood kin. Example: Your Mother-in-law is not really your Mother but is treated as such because you married her daughter/son. Also your brother-in-law is your brother because your parents are also his parents "in-law" (Mother-in-law, Father-in-law).
KITH and KIN - "Kith" are friends and acquaintances whereas "Kin" are blood relatives or someone treated as such in-law.
ANOTHER METHOD - The number of "G"s you share is the number of cousins you are. The difference in "G"s is the number "Removed". Example: Two people who have the same great-grand-parents (2G) are second cousins (2C). If the great-grand-parents (2G) of one person are the great-great-grand-parents (3G) of the other person, then those two people are second cousins, once removed (2C1R). They share 2G with a difference of 1G (3-2=1). Compare the chart.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Hi everybody...

I'm not sure why I'm starting a blog. The last thing I need is a place where i can moan n bitch without control. So I'm going to use this to post any funny story, picture, or any little thing I mighty want to remember some time.

I'm going to try to avoid any personal stuff here.

Wish me luck!